Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
