words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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