I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
