I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
