I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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