Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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