I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize