My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
