Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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