Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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