im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
