I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
