I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
