and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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