His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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