I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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