What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
