Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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