The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
