I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
