I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
