I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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