im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
