i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
