D3 body, D1 cock
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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