God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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