break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
