Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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