I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
