just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
