dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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