would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
