i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
