Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
