I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
