you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
