Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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