There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
