can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
