WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
