My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
