New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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