He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
