I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
