the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
