ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize