i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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