I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
