I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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