I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
