You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize