I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
