Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
