This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
