Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
