I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize