remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
