So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize