The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
