I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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