let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
