I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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