But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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