Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
