As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
