i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
