Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
