ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
