I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
