I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
