The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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