if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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