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I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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