Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
