"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
