I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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