My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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