Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize