So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
