One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just pee around me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
