Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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