Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
