i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize