How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
