she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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