It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
